Yup, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. Inside this laundry cart. Mixed up in this crazy predicament of inconsistency, and why I gave up on my dreams for 5 months. To understand that, we have to start from the beginning. Okay, not the beginning…more like the middle, the middlish-beginning.
The year: 2016. The month: December. Myself: a young, 8 mths old blogger finally starting to find her voice in this big ol’ oversaturated blogging world. And I mean, cranking out hit after hit of blog posts. Just like Stevie J in his 90s prime. My audience and I were finally vibing.
Below a true depiction of myself and my audience.
We were in the zone. You and I? We were right here.
I see you, you see me. Our eyes locked with intensity, our minds and bodies in synchrony.
…Yeah, I’m gonna stop that analogy now. It’s getting a bit weird.
But you get the point! I was finally in my groove. I got my readership up. I was working on my email list. Working on that coveted freebie every blogger needs in order to build their email subscription list.
And that’s when shit hit the fan. I mean, straight out of a movie downhill.
The three amigos. The not so holy trinity of “We’re here to fuck shit up”.
I can laugh and make jokes about it now. But “Step Brothers” reference aside, I honestly felt my life was falling apart. I was in such a dark space.
Every possible insecurity you can imagine, I began to play over and over in my mind. My looks, my smarts, my skillset, my blog, my content, my purpose…I critiqued any and everything.
Just when I thought I was going to unleash my true alter ego and scam my way into your heart, that voice in my head had other plans.
Every time I tried to come up with blog post ideas, whenever I said I’m ready to get back in the game, there was that little voice telling me,
“Don’t do it.”
“You won’t succeed at this.”
“You don’t know what you’re doing.”
“You can’t do this on your own; you need help.”
And it was hard to fight that voice.
Most times, it felt like my life was in this constant spin cycle. This cycle of highs and lows. If we could say each piece of clothing represented a different problem, there was now all this water rushing in to drown me. Literally spinning and drowning in problems.
Mr. Krabs is me.
I am Mr. Krabs.
– a poem
I’d struggle to sleep at night. Thoughts of not being good enough crept into my mind. And I found myself (again) praying for God to take me out of my misery. When I’d wake up the next morning, I sarcastically delighted in being alive.
Romwe Sweater Dress | Romwe Lips Purse | Forever 21 Thigh High Boots | Ruby Kisses Coral Lipstick
What I didn’t realize until typing up this blog post was how necessary that spin cycle truly was. That I actually needed a good wash, a good cleaning. Sort of like a rebrand. [I always seem to learn my lesson as I type up a blog post smh]. Though I was finally putting out content that people were reading, I remember being so frustrated about my next steps and other areas of my platform.
I wanted to switch up the content on my YouTube channel, but I had no idea how to improve. I wanted to change my Instagram feed aesthetic around, again no idea how. And we bloggers know how important that Instagram feed truly is! And I remember studying the kind of material my audience was consuming and asking me questions about, but still being a bit unclear on how I could truly provide the help that they needed.
So I retreated and drowned.
Romwe Earrings (Sold Out) | Zury Sis Slay H-Sage Wig
And now that I’m finally up for air, I have answers to all those problems I faced before. It would have been nice if the answers would have came to me in 2 weekssss and not 5 months but beggars can’t be choosers. And all good things come with time. I asked God to guide me and give me what I needed and He did.
He gave me a good wash. I needed that cleanse. All those spin cycles. And when He felt I was ready, I started getting epiphanies around 11 PM on March 30th.
And now I couldn’t sleep, not because I was dwelling on my “made up” inadequacies, but because my dreams wouldn’t let me. I was full with so much energy and inspiration. I was reminded of OLD talents that I wasn’t putting to full use. Talents that I downplayed and under-appreciated. I had NEW ideas and dreams to get me going in the morning. I borrowed some help from my boyfriend who so graciously lifted me in and out of my laundry cart and took these amazing photos you see here. And something blue? This outfit.
Or maybe this hair.
Yeah, I’m not getting married, but I couldn’t resist a “something old, something new” reference lol.
Anyway, the point is just like washing your clothes gives ’em a brand new look and feel, that’s exactly what happened to me on my hiatus. My mind is a bit cleaner and clearer. I’m feeling smarter, better, faster, stronger. And there’s changes coming to the type of content I produce that I’m excited to execute and show the world. I’m in the business of making higher quality which means more work, but work that I don’t want to shy away from doing.
Don’t get it twisted. All my problems aren’t erased, but I do have some idea of the direction I’m heading in and that feels so damn good. If you’re going through it right now like I was, trust that you will emerge out of your spin cycle, cleaner and brighter than ever.
Matter of fact, tweet it into existence. There’s power in proclamation.I will emerge out of my spin cycle cleaner and brighter than ever. Click To Tweet
All that spinning ’round in circles brought me to where I am now. This is my platform, my little corner-country on the Internet. And my old way of doing things, those old trends had to go. [Did you catch that title drop? I love when movies say their title lol]
So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Why I’ve been inconsistent and my attitude towards changing that around. The rise, the fall, and the climb to the top.
Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is *cue title drop*
No Country For Old Trends
Until next time!